My Story is God’s Story
Being vulnerable has always been difficult for me. It pulls me out of my comfort zone. Opening up to others exposes my heart to the possibility of judgment, misunderstanding, or criticism. That’s why when I got baptized and was asked to share “Why?” in front of a crowd of people, I kept it short and simple:
“I’ve always been a Christian, I grew up in the church, and today I wanted to take the next step in my journey with God.”
While that was true, it wasn’t the full story I felt God wanted me to share. So, a year after my baptism I was asked to share my full testimony. I knew it was God giving me another opportunity to be obedient. An opportunity to share the full story of his redemptive work in my life: the bad, the ugly, and the good.
A Wayward Path
I grew up in the church, attending every Sunday with my family. Every summer from second grade through high school was spent at church camp. I’m so grateful for those strong foundation years, because in the trials I’ve faced as an adult, it’s been something to steady me. Something I can always return to for strength.
My parents divorced when I was 10. It was a messy and painful time. I know now they did the best they could, but back then I held a lot of resentment. As a teenager, that resentment turned into rebellion, and many poor choices. I chose parties over church. I found myself in trouble, with both my parents and the law. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was trying to run from the hurt of their divorce and the weight of my own decisions.
After high school, I enrolled in a local community college but only made it through two semesters. I had a passion for meteorology and astronomy. I realized how limited and competitive those career paths were. I felt discouraged and stepped away from school to figure out what I wanted.
I started working full-time at a restaurant, where I met a woman ten years older than me. One night after work, we went to a party, and a fall broke my ankle. Suddenly, I couldn’t work, and everything felt uncertain. That’s when she offered me a job. That was for me to move in and help with her kids. She lived an hour away, but to me, it felt like the fresh start….the escape….I had been searching for. So, without much hesitation, I said, “Yes.”
This was a terrible decision. During the four months I lived there, my partying spiraled out of control. I would still take time to pray to God, however, it felt distant. It seemed like I had gone too far for Him to reach me.
Then one day, out of nowhere, I woke up with a clear realization, this life wasn’t fulfilling me. Life was leaving me emptier than it was filled and lost, rather than found. I was tired of running, especially from God. Without a car and with nowhere else to turn, I called an old friend from home and asked if she would bring me home. That same day, we packed up my things, and I never went back. Home was now with my dad and step-mom. Slowly I began putting the pieces of my life back together.
The Lord Established My Steps
At the time, my sister worked in management at Hersheypark. Since I was unemployed, I asked if she could help me get a job. Their hiring event for the summer had already concluded. However, she managed to secure me a last-minute interview in the finance department. I got the job and started the following week.
While I was there, I met this cute guy named Jason. He had the bluest eyes and the biggest smile. I wasn’t looking for a relationship because I was still trying to put my life back together. Still, it was nice to have a friend at work. We started spending time together on our breaks. Before we knew it, we were hanging out outside of work, too.
He was so different from anyone I had dated before, which is probably why it surprised me when I started falling for him. When he finally asked me out, I said, “Yes.” After our first date, I went home and told my step-mom,
“I’m going to marry him one day.”
And for me to say that back then it meant something. I was never the settling-down type.
Before he left to go back to school, we both knew this wasn’t just a summer thing. We decided to make our relationship official. We’ve had our ups and downs, even a brief breakup while we were figuring out life and who we were. But we never gave up on each other.
Today, we’ve been together for 17 years and married for almost 11. He is, without a doubt, the best thing that’s ever happened to me. He’s one of the greatest blessings God has given me.
Looking back, I can clearly see it was God guiding me every step of the way. He led me home, opened the door for that job, and brought Jason into my life. Even when I felt far from God, He was always there. He never left me.
I found myself reaching for my Bible more often, diving into Scripture in a way I never had before. I returned to church, but this time it wasn’t out of obligation. There was a genuine desire of my heart to be there and to be with God.
As I drew closer to God, I began to feel a new kind of love, peace, and understanding. It’s what I had been searching for all along. This was crucial for me. Because little did I know how much I needed God for the challenging stages of life.
One of the challenges that came was the difficulties of getting pregnant. When Jason and I felt ready to start a family, we knew we might need fertility help. I have a diagnosis of Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS), which can make trying to get pregnant difficult.
By God’s grace, after just one month of treatment, we found out we were pregnant. Nine months later, we welcomed our beautiful, healthy baby boy, Jacob.
When Jacob was about 10 months old, I started feeling nauseous and just “off.” I decided to take a pregnancy test, and to my shock, I saw two pink lines! We were pregnant again! No fertility treatments, no planning, just a miracle.
I was experiencing terrible morning sickness and fatigue so I wasn’t prepared for the news we were about to receive at our first ultrasound. We heard the words no parent is ever prepared for, “There is no heartbeat.”
That was when I learned what a “Missed Miscarriage” was. The pain and emptiness I felt are impossible to describe. I was completely broken.
When you have a miscarriage after already having a child, you understand the magnitude of what you lost.
On the drive home from that appointment, I heard “Battle Belongs” by Phil Wickham for the first time. It felt like it was written just for me.
I waited two weeks, hoping my body would miscarry naturally. When it didn’t, the doctors told me they needed to intervene. I had to undergo a procedure to remove the baby.
It wasn’t until I arrived and signed the paperwork that I saw the medical term used for the procedure, “abortion.” That word hit hard. Everything I heard about this word was wrong and against my morals. This baby was deeply loved and desperately wanted.
I remember tears streaming down my face as they wheeled me back to the operating room. I knew I would never be the same.
After the procedure, still groggy from anesthesia, we drove home and once again, “Battle Belongs” came on the radio. In that moment, through all the pain and heartbreak, I felt it clearly, God was with me and he would never leave me.
Even in my deepest grief, there was a sense of calm and peace that I can’t explain. Somehow, I knew, we were going to be okay.
My relationship with God grew even stronger after the miscarriage. I now had a baby in heaven with Him, which made His presence feel even more real to me. I felt Him in ways I never had before. My prayers became deeper, my worship more personal.
During that time, God surrounded me with a love and comfort that words can’t explain.
Six months passed, and one day I started to feel off. Nauseous and just not like myself. Reluctantly, I took a pregnancy test, and once again, I saw two pink lines. I was pregnant. Naturally. Again.
But the dreadful thoughts still lingered in my mind. A Miscarriage changes you. It steals the innocence of pregnancy. The excitement is replaced with fear, and joy is overshadowed by worry.
Instead of celebrating, I found myself praying constantly. Please let this baby be healthy. Please let there be a heartbeat.
At five weeks, we went in for an ultrasound. The doctor looked and then said something I wasn’t expecting. There wasn’t one gestational sac, there were two. It was likely twins.
Because it was still so early, he explained it was normal not to hear heartbeats yet. By all accounts everything looked good and was measuring right on track.
For the first time since finding out, I felt hope. I couldn’t help but think God was giving us the baby we had lost. And once again, “Battle Belongs” by Phil Wickham played, and I felt reassured. God was with me.
Two weeks passed, and my symptoms intensified. The morning sickness and exhaustion were overwhelming. But as the day of my next ultrasound approached, a deep anxiety settled in. I couldn’t shake the feeling that something wasn’t right.
I prayed constantly, playing “Battle Belongs” on repeat, clinging to any sense of peace I could find.
When we went in for the ultrasound, I saw the two sacs, two babies. But there was no movement. At that moment, I knew. Before the doctor even spoke, I knew.
When he confirmed what I knew and said the words, “no heartbeats,” I went numb. I couldn’t cry. I couldn’t speak. I could barely breathe.
Somehow, I went through the motions and scheduled the procedure before we left. I felt completely hollow. I was like a shell of myself.
We drove home and Jason kept making sure I was okay and telling me that we will get through this. It wasn’t until I was alone that I broke. I fell to my knees, and the weight of the loss came crashing down all at once.
The grief poured out of me in a way I had never experienced before. Deep, uncontrollable sobs came forth. These cries didn’t even feel like my own.
Two days pass and again I sign off the paperwork and they wheel me back to the OR. Looking up at the same lights, feeling the same void. How? How is this happening again?
Faith Fed by Streams of Living Water
Years passed before Jason and I were ready to start trying again. During those years, my relationship with God was unbreakable. He carried me through those days. I was never alone.
We met with a fertility clinic, and after two months of treatment, we found out we were pregnant. I was cautiously excited. Hopeful, but still guarded.
Because we were working with a fertility clinic, I had ultrasounds every week to closely monitor everything.
On the way to our first ultrasound at six weeks, I was a nervous wreck. I prayed without ceasing, holding onto hope with everything in me.
I will never forget the moment we saw and heard our baby’s heartbeat for the first time. I immediately broke down in tears of joy.
Jason’s and my eyes met to share a moment that I will never forget. We had walked through so much together to get there. We grieved together. We cried together when others around us received their own pregnancy news. We prayed together through it all.
And in that moment, it felt like we had finally made it. Nine months later, we had our rainbow baby, Hannah. She was perfect and completed our family.
Once Hannah was born, I felt God begin to place on my heart the desire to get baptized. He kept gently nudging me, and I kept making excuses.
“I can’t share my testimony.”
“I can’t stand and speak in front of a room full of people.”
There were so many fears and doubts. I wrestled with it constantly. Finally, I was honest with God. I know you’re asking me to do this, but I’m struggling. Please help me. Meet me where I am. Give me a sign.
That’s exactly what he did.
You see, I’ve always see God in nature. It’s where I talk to Him the most. It’s where I hear him clearly and feel him closest to me.
As I was sitting in church one Sunday it was announced for the first time baptisms would be held in the Yellow Breeches Creek. I knew immediately this was God meeting me where I was.
After service, I signed up without hesitation and on August 31st, 2025, I was baptized in the Yellow Breeches.
It was one of the most powerful and life-changing moments of my life. It meant everything to me that my husband, my children, my family, and friends were there to witness me proclaim my faith in Jesus.
I will never forget how it felt afterwards, like chains had been broken. The weight and shame of my past mistakes and everything I had carried for so long was gone.
Lit Lamp For The Soul 
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